Mostly contradicting

I pop one pill down my throat, 

Hoping it washes my worries away, 

Whether it is self inflicted or not

Should I swallow more? 

I woke up happy with three hours sleep,

Made some tea and American breakfast, 

Sweat from tea but no worries, 

I'm all motivated. 

When will these thoughts dissappear,

When can I start sleeping

When can my ideas stop coming, 

Should I take something to doze off? 

I love rainy day and cats,

It makes me calm and happy 

And I had nothing to worry about 

As of for now. 

I hate the sun and the heat,

I hate people and people hate me 

I regret every decision and closure 

Can I just dissappear? 

My mind is rolling on things to do,

For tomorrow, in fact today 

I got out of bed and skipped for 600 times, 

Didn't feel hungry and slept after three hours last midnight. 

I was forced to wake up early, 

Can I just read and not get out of bed? 

I don't want to talk to anyone, 

I can really cry if you talk to me. That's how much I don't want it 

I am a riddle and I can't figure myself out.